Today I am tired.
Today I want to cry. And rage.
Seeing that some people value their lives and health at the cost of a doughnut, a beer, $300.
To see the utter vitriol being spewed forth by some breaks my heart.
I want to go back into my shell and sleep forever and never feel this sadness again.
I am trying to remember my love and compassion.
I tell myself the depth of my love is also the depth of my rage.
I know I don’t need to fear these emotions that most of our lives we have been told are not ok.
The darkness and the shadows are where we can actually see the light.
I am trying to remember the space of understanding I have access to.
But today, today I don’t have the energy to.
Today I want a hug and kiss from those nearest to me.
Humans are so divided right now and it hurts.
I also don’t want to bury myself in a bubble of ignorance pretending what’s happening in the world isn’t happening, because it is.
While my world is ok for now, I know many others worlds aren’t.
And it’s them I feel the most for.
Those whose lives have been changed because they thought they were doing the right thing and are now suffering consequences.
Those who feel so much fear of dying that they would rather turn on each other and spew forth hate than think about how they will die no matter what and start living.
Those that would rather try ruin someone’s business than go about their own lives taking care of their own health.
If we were made in Gods image, and god is love, where has the love gone?
Have we really gone that far back in time that we would rather judge and ridicule and shame and vilify than understand, love and play?
In 100 years time will humanity still be here and be looking back wondering what the hell went wrong for everyone to be so scared of each other?
My heart hurts when I think about these things.
And I know I’m not the only one.
Parents being punished for having friendly relationships with their ex partners and not going to court being kept from their kids if they don’t have court orders in place. Being told to keep their distance from their children?
Who are these people that come up with these things?
What kind of life did they have, to actually believe that withholding love and affection from our own flesh and blood is a good idea?
Please don’t distance yourself from your children. Hugs are a key ingredient in avoiding depression and the lifeline phone centres have been ringing off tap with scared children because of what they are being shown and told.
It takes strength to stay in love right now.
And today I don’t have much.
Sending all the love I can muster to those of you who may need it today too.
Keep holding on even though the environment is not conducive to love.
Or maybe it’s even more conducive for love. Because it’s easy to love when things are going well, but when walls are up and evil eyes are being thrown at you that make you want to hide, maybe then is when love is needed most.
You are needed.
And so today I rest. I feel it all. And I know that it will all be ok. In some way, shape or form, it will all be ok.
Just because I feel all the sad and angry feels today does not mean I don’t still carry the vibration of love.
Love is what matters here. Always.
And anytime I feel this my favourite thing to do now is listen to Maya Luna spoken word piece – The Other Side of Love.