All this talk of abortion has me feeling so many things.
I know many women feel guilt and shame around having had an abortion. I mean after all you only have to see what’s going on in the media right now to realize why that is happening. Some women never talk about their abortion for fear of being judged, hated and/or abused. They go their whole lives without mentioning this apparent crime they committed against their unborn baby.
I’m probably going to shock a few people with what I say next. Some of you may even unfollow me and that’s ok.
Here goes: I have no guilt or shame around the abortion I had. Yes you read that right. Nothing triggers in me when people speak ill of people who have had abortions, I know what I did was right for me. I have, however, experienced guilt around not feeling guilty in the past, yet even that is no longer there. Sometimes I have thought there must be something wrong with me.
Not that I need to explain myself – When I made that decision I had recently been through cancer and my body had been doing a lot of healing. When I fell pregnant I took it as a sign that my body had finished its healing role with that journey. Even the doctor at the clinic made the same remark when I told him what my body had been through.
For the first few days after I learned I was pregnant there were thoughts of I should keep this baby, there were even tears. The thoughts of “I know what development it has because I’ve had 3 children already” so how could I think about not having it? Yet I knew in my heart I did not want another child, nor did I think my body would cope and I knew my husband did not want another child either.
I was not about to bring a child into the world that neither parent wanted. I wasn’t about to carry a child feeling all the feelings I was feeling about not wanting it. Even then I knew we carry traumas through to life that we experience within the womb from our mother. I also don’t believe in having children you can’t financially take care of. And while none of my children I gave birth to were specifically planned I felt them and knew they were meant to be here with me.
I went through the procedure and spent the day at home alone with my husband knowing in my heart it had been the right thing. And my husband booked in for his vasectomy immediately following that because “I had been through enough operations” he said so it was his turn to do a small procedure that would prevent us from ever having to make a choice like that again. I wonder if any of these men saying abortions should be illegal would be willing to do that? After all, birth control is always placed in the women’s hands, right?
Now the real turning point for me, was having a reading from a psychic who said to me have you lost a child? When I said no, she said I had a child who wouldn’t let me go and was very protective and was about 4 years old. (Which is the age he would have been had I given birth) I then said I had an abortion but that’s different she said No spirits don’t differentiate between miscarriage and abortion – it’s all the same. Funny cos I had thought he would be a son too. Even my youngest son had made a comment to me saying mummy I’m going to have a little brother. Talking to her and hearing this gave me complete closure. My child doesn’t hate me for not wanting to give birth to his human body. His soul was happy and he is always with me.
I have friends who are against abortion, I have friends who have had abortions, and I have friends who have never had them yet understand the reasoning why someone would. And I don’t judge any of them. Their bodies, their choices.
The fact of the matter is – our bodies are ours to make a decision with, not the government, not the man, not our friends or parents, no one but us.
And before you go throwing judgment someone’s way, I don’t know any women who ever make the decision to have an abortion lightly, yes they may exist and it’s still their choice. There is a reason you have to have a counseling session before they allow you to go through with the procedure. Because it is a big decision to make. You don’t just wake up one morning and say nope don’t want this kid I’m getting rid of it like many seem to think is the process. At least none of the women I know have done that. And again, they may exist and it’s still their choice.
Personally, I would rather someone make that decision than have a child and put the child at risk of abuse or neglect or just simply feeling unloved or place strain on an already overrun foster system.
I’m by no means a perfect parent, no one is, we all do the best we can with what we know and have and I don’t believe you can ever be 100% prepared, however, making a decision like having an abortion is one step closer to knowing when (if ever) you will be ready.
And hey, If men are allowed to decide that women can’t have abortions then maybe women can decide if men should be made to have a vasectomy… Just a thought…. oh wait it’s your body right so we could never make that choice for you?