I’m tired.

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I’m tired of being the dependable one.

You know, the one people rely on to get shit done for them. Or the one who is always there when they are needed and you don’t have to put any effort into the friendship.

Just because I’m not a need to speak to you every day person doesn’t make me an ignore until you want something person.

On that note I’m tired of only hearing from people when they need something and not just because they want to say hi or see me.

Im tired of being the one saying hey let’s catch up.

I’m tired of being the one who sits back and says nothing.

I’m tired of all the stories.

I’m tired of knowing the things I know.

I’m tired of opening my heart to have it broken again and again.

I’m tired of trusting infinitely that everything works out.

I’m tired of being told I’m safe only to have it shown that I’m not.

I’m tired of the bullshit everyone lives and calling it authenticity.

I’m tired of people saying one thing and doing another.

I’m tired of people not doing what they said they would.

I’m tired of tip toeing around peoples wounds that they can’t see.

I’m actually tired of the infinite wounds.

I’m tired of being the strong one that no one checks on because I’ve got this. Even if I ask for support.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my life.

I just don’t love all the little shit things that I can see, that make me tired.

And because I don’t desire to record myself crying for public input you won’t know unless you ask.

And I especially am tired of the bullshit spiritual story of everything being a mirror so if I’m seeing someone being an idiot it means I’m an idiot. Or something like that.

If you know the essene mirrors sometimes it’s just a mirror of what you are judging.

Especially when people only seem to use this excuse when it’s something bad but never when it’s something good.

I’m tired. And I resign from being that person.

Xo S

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