Everything in me wanted to change my yes to a No and not turn up.
Things started happening that made me want to take back my Yes.
It felt too hard. It felt too much. It felt too scary.
The fear was super real and very prominent.
Especially after my last experience which was painful and scary and not a whole lotta fun.
But I committed and stayed the path.
And what I was gifted through that commitment was pure magic.
There was definitely a few times where I thought to myself “what the fuck have I done, why did I say yes, I’m never doing this again”
Until I surrendered more.
My body did what it needed to do to get me to the state I desired to be in.
I asked for ease and grace. Ease and grace it did not feel like.
But my dear soul sister witnessed me and said I have seen you not in ease and grace and that was definitely ease and grace from what I saw.
I earned my wings. I felt them emerge from my back and I got to choose their colour.
I witnessed plants form into the shapes of beautiful womens bodies and dance with me.
Jaguar medicine was with me the entire time, from my first vomit I opened my eyes and saw her beautiful strong face and I felt her rumbling growls come through my body more than once.
I had never experienced Jaguar medicine but boy was it powerful.
This journey once I moved through what I needed to was so full of joy and realizations.
I had the giggles and it was so beautiful.
Mermaids danced around the room with me.
My ancestors witnessed me with big smiles on their faces and hands on their heart for the work I was doing. And I told them “You’re Welcome” 😂
At one point I wanted to ask the question is it tomorrow now? To which I then replied to myself If it’s now then tomorrow doesn’t exist, there is only now. And the circle continued in my head until I laughed at myself and the cosmic joke of life and getting lost in it.
I was held so beautifully by my sisters. To depths I have never imagined possible. To experience all that I did and be looked at and held in so much love is beyond words.
Witnessing transformation is definitely one of the most magnificent things I have ever had the beauty of doing in my life.
I can’t even put into words all of my experience. Nor do I need to.
Sometimes the more we speak about the experience the more our ego hijacks it.
It was deep and profound and a journey that was instantly integrated.
And that is just another sign of how far I have moved forward in my life.
So many cycles came to a conclusion in this journey.
Thank you Thank You Thank You