Today on my coaching call I said “fuck off with your coaching.”
“I’m tired of doing processes.”
“I don’t want to be coached I just want to be heard.”
And today I was heard.
I cried. I laughed. I swore. I spoke.
And in those moments of being heard, of having my boundary respected over and over I realized I was actually in a process.
I stated my needs and what I wanted and didn’t want.
But I’ve done this numerous times and not been listened to.
This is why instead of just a No it came out as an I want to say Fuck off. Sometimes this is the only way people actually hear you when you say No.
Sometimes I just want to vent and be listened to, maybe even hugged.
No questions needed. No finding out whats underneath something. Just listened to.
But that can be hard for people to do.
Especially in the coaching space.
But as a coach it’s your job to support your client.
And know when to push and when to respect a boundary.
For me today was a lesson in assertiveness and standing my ground.
It was about not people pleasing and letting others do what they normally do and forgetting how I feel or what I desire.
Sometimes as a coach your client actually needs to be truly heard.
And not feel like they are broken and need fixing or like they need to follow an agenda.
Yes as a coach someone is paying you to see their blind spots.
But they are also paying to feel safe to express and learn and grow.
Sometimes people don’t get that safety at home or anywhere else.
And knowing that I am a good listener gets frustrating when other people don’t truly listen to me.
I can feel it when they are listening to respond instead of just listen.
I can feel that disconnect.
And disconnect can contribute to a client not continuing to express.
This goes for life in general, not just coaching. Maybe it’s not as noticeable in relationships that don’t have coaching backgrounds because it’s not something that is noticed when you haven’t been trained how to ask questions.
And if I was doing this every week then there would probably be reason to ask what are you avoiding.
But I’m not a victim to my life or my circumstances.
I’m a very self aware person.
So if I say I just need to be heard right now and not be given advice then that is what I need.
And if you feel the need to fix me or make it better perhaps that is something within yourself that you could look at.
I have been travelling this path for a very long time now.
I could be accused of a lot but avoiding the shadows and the hard work is definitely not one of them.
I go all in. All the time. Besides this week where I just had enough. But even that I went all in with, just on my own.
Sometimes it’s ok to take a break and say I’ve had enough right now.
I just want to be.
So be. Feel. Experience. Whatever it is you need to experience.
All the other stuff is going to still be there when you are ready.
Trust me it does not go away because you take a break to say fuck it all.
Regroup and repair and dive back in when it feels right for you.
Monday I was screaming fuck the world and everything in it.
I didn’t want to be coached or do any processes. Yet during the week ended up doing a few different processes including some inner child work.
After I said fuck it all.
Today I’m smiling and excited and open to deep conversations once again.
That’s what I mean when I say I’m not afraid to do the work.