I didn’t have the capacity to hold it

No comments

For so long I wondered why people lied to me or pulled away.

I have always felt I’ve been such an understanding person and I love the ones I love so much there was literally no reason to be ashamed of telling me anything.

If you tell me you want something for your life then I’m going to help if you ask and listen when it’s needed and if you want my opinion then I’ll give it.

Now I’m constantly being reminded by friends of how safe they feel with me no matter what they say or do.

And I’ve come to realise part of that was because before I may have wanted these things but I didn’t have the capacity to truly hold it.

I’ve always been a good listener. I’ve always been good at standing back and observing and only stepping in if someone wants it.

And sometimes I fuck up too 🤷🏽‍♀️

Im not gonna sit here and say I’m perfect.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling unsafe to express myself in people’s presence over the years so to receive comments of my presence being safety has taught me how far I’ve come.

Small great things.

Ive complained about being a boring space holder and not having any cool magical powers 😂 now I’ve come to realize just how cool and magical it actually is that people feel that with me.

A friend described me recently as perfectly gentle or perfectly bold, whatever is needed.

And I thought – no wonder I have some amazing friends in my life now if I’ve become that to my friends.

After all what we see in others is often a mirror reflection of ourselves. (Cue spiritual woo woo trigger 😂)

I always wanted no bullshit friends because that’s what I believe I am.

And I feel like that’s exactly what I have now.

Is there something you have been wanting in your life that perhaps you feel you don’t have?

What are some actions you could take to acquire the ‘thing’?

Xo S

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s