What is loving someone unconditionally?
First I’ll tell you what it’s not. At least not in my reality. Let me know if you agree or disagree.
Even better tell me in the comments what you believe unconditional love is after you have read this post!
- It’s not allowing someone to control you from insecurity.
- It isn’t loving someone regardless of how they treat you
- It’s not saying yes to hurtful behavior and abandoning your sense of self for the other
- It’s not an excuse to stay in an unhealthy relationship
- It’s not saying you want honesty in a relationship when really all you are doing is trying to figure out how much you have to compete against in the past.
- It’s not putting the other person first because you are selfless.
- It’s not half truths because really half truths are whole lies.
I’ve been in a relationship for 12 years now. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for 36.
Over those years I’ve done a lot of work on myself and opening up and coming from a place of love and honesty. And I’ve loved conditionally and unconditionally. I never knew there was a difference. Ultimately humans are conditional beings so to love unconditionally does take some amount of unlearning and relearning behaviors.
I’ve come to learn that when you don’t trust someone else it can be because you have some shadow work that needs to be done. I’ve done a lot of shadow work now.
You can talk about wanting love and trust and honesty all you like but if you aren’t embodying that which you desire then it won’t show up in your vortex.
I’ve used drugs, sex and alcohol to try gain these things within myself and to feel more comfortable with others.
Guess what? That didn’t work. Funny that. There’s definitely no unconditional love in that. I mean – if I do this you will love me – screams conditional love doesn’t it?
Escapism is never going to lead you to your destiny. It will only ever give you more of the same.
Not to mention the more you use drugs, sex and alcohol to get what you desire the more you need to use. You go from popping one ecstasy pill and having a good night to double and triple dropping at once and doing that a few times in a night just to get that same feeling you originally received from one half a tablet.
If you don’t truly have fulfillment within yourself you will continue to look for it within other people, places and experiences. This doesn’t mean you can’t be looking if you feel unfulfilled you just get to be aware that you may not be attracting the fullness of your desires while you do.
Unconditional love is love without conditions. Does this mean you don’t have boundaries? Definitely not. It’s not a one way dynamic either. It’s a mutually supportive relationship where you don’t tear each other down.
Unconditional love is truly beautiful. It is totally possible. It’s what I have with my husband now. We have done a lot of work to get to where we are.
12 years is a long time to be in relationship with each other. And yet it’s only a blip on the radar of a lifetime together. We have made every mistake you can make in a relationship and have navigated our ways through it all.
We didn’t even understand what unconditional love was until the last couple of years. And it’s something we still go back and forth with. But we don’t quit on each other. We don’t break up every time we have a fight. We do the work. The work to understand each other. The work to know we aren’t punishing each other. It’s not easy all the time that’s for sure. We have wanted to call it quits more than a few times and yet here we are, more in love than ever.
To love someone unconditionally you get to love yourself unconditionally. Our Partners are simply a reflection of our being and when all you see reflected back is love, it is truly beautiful.
Two mature people in love help each other to become more free. There are no politics involved, no diplomacy, no effort to dominate. Just freedom. Freedom to be all that each individual is.
That is the true essence of unconditional love.