Death has never been something I was afraid of.
To me it has always meant peace and stillness.
They say people who have had near death experiences are never really afraid of death because they have been close and realize it isn’t to be feared.
My flight to Sydney on Friday experienced the most intense turbulence I’ve ever felt. Trying to land in the middle of a storm the plane was dropping and people were lifting out of their seats. I almost expected the masks to drop out of the ceiling haha I could see lightening in the green clouds and the light was so eery. They ended up redirecting us to another airport to wait the storm out and refuel after trying unsuccessfully to land more than a few times. What was meant to be a 1 hour flight ended up being 6 hours on a plane. You can imagine the sounds and clapping that were heard when the plane finally landed in Sydney safely.
And yet I was not scared at all.
As a child I remember my friends and I playing in this graveyard down the road, decorating the people’s graves and reading out who they were, saying our own little childlike prayers.
We had no idea what we were doing, it was fun to us.
That innocence of a child initiating those moments. Not sure how many children had childhoods that involved those types of activities yet I’m so grateful mine did.
I remember decorating our animals graves at my grandparents house with camellia flowers from the tree in their backyard.
Death was just not something to fear.
Does it hurt to lose someone? Yes. Does that cause pain? Yes. Sometimes death is painful. Yes. And yet still I do not fear it.
What is there to fear of something we are all going to end up experiencing one day?
And why would I fear dying when I now live every day of my life as if it were my last?
I’ve completed things I’ve dreamed about since I was a child. I’ve created beautiful relationships. I’ve followed my heart. I’ve had it broken and restored. I’ve healed so that my future grandchildren and their children don’t have to carry those things through their lives. I’ve contributed 3 beautiful humans to this planet that I’ve done the best I could with raising them and I’ve hugged and kissed them and loved them more than I ever thought I could to another human. I’ve smiled at and hugged strangers. I’ve sang and danced in the streets. I’ve stood naked in front of over a hundred people and talked about things I’ve felt the most guilt and shame about. I’ve not only survived cancer but I’ve thrived despite it. I’ve been learning the language I’ve wanted to learn for years. I’ve swum next to sharks and looked great whites in their beautiful eyes. I’ve created pieces of art that will hang in peoples homes forever that they cherish as much as I do. I’ve camped in the Serengeti and had a lion growl past my tent. I’ve volunteered my time in other countries and learnt about cultures in ways I never could have dreamed of. I’ve learnt not to care about what others think of me or say behind my back. I’ve chosen myself time and again.
So if my plane had gone down and I had died in that moment I would have died with no regrets because death is not something I fear, and I know I’ve lived the life that I’ve chosen and experienced what I wanted to experience. I may not have completed my entire bucket list, yet if I died tomorrow I would be content.
Can you say the same?
If not, what are you willing to do today so that you are able to fly into your grave when your time comes saying yes that was the ride I was after?