What isn’t shared

There is so much in our relationship that isn’t shared.

My devotion and surrender didn’t come from nowhere.

In fact I fought it tooth and nail really.

I would allow and then let fear kick in and pull back and away.

And in that Rory would go through his growth and change and playing in realms he had to learn to manage too.

But what you don’t see is the nights we spend in silence listening to the waves on the beach.

Or the way he smiles and undresses me for my shower because it’s something he enjoys doing and I like gifting him that presence.

Or the way he gets excited for me to taste whatever he’s cooked for us.

He has hummed to my yoni and played different instruments in ceremony with my womb.

He doesn’t use my yoni as a masturbation tool and doesn’t need his masculinity validated by having sex with me. Hell we have both used each other as masturbation tools in the past.

He has apologized for the traumas caused by men throughout my life, including him, and helped open my yoni up to a world of deep, sensual love and pleasure.

He has also growled and pulled my hair and choked me during wild, sexy nights.

He has cried in my arms with grief and loss.

He stands strong in his beliefs and has the deepest integrity of any man I’ve ever met. Seriously it is the deepest. If you have this man as a friend you have one of the most open, honest men you could ask to have on your side and share your life with and give you honest feedback if that’s what you desire.

He doesn’t even need me to speak a no if I’m a no anymore. He feels my energy and respects the boundary.

Consent is so important to him. Whether it’s voiced or energetic.

He always asks me to speak into everything I’m feeling and experiencing so he can help lead me up and out of whatever pit I may be in.

He is open and receptive and makes me feel seen and heard.

I never need to be anything other than who I am in any given moment.

His masculinity has grown to a depth that turns me the fuck on.

There is always extra depth. There are always extra layers.

And I’m glad we keep opening them together.

He has led me to depths I only thought were possible in a fairytale.

Yet there has definitely been no fairytale about our story.

I’ve always said he is my grounding when I’m off visiting other dimensions.

He jokes he is only woo without the second woo.

Yet he is so in touch energetically and he will drop exactly what you need to hear right in the moment you need to hear it and you won’t even realise you needed to hear it until you do.

And I like it like that.

He doesn’t want another mother. He doesn’t want another friend. He definitely doesn’t want or need me doing everything he does.

He wants his wife.

One of the first things he ever said to me which had me realising I might be able to trust this man (15 years ago now) was when I got home with our grocery shopping and I went to carry it all upstairs. (Single mum, even when I was with my ex I did it all myself)

He said “do you want some help?” And I said “No , I can do it myself” and his response was “ I know you can but you don’t have to anymore”

And ever since he has been proving to me that I don’t need to do everything anymore. And I fucking love a man who knows what he wants and needs. And I love not having to do all the stuff I had to do when I was on my own.

And I love being with a man who doesn’t make me feel like I need to tell him how to do anything and everything.

I found the safety within, so that I can feel the safety with HIM.

❤️

Xo S