Why do the words Best friend trigger me?

I have come to realise the words best friends and bestie create a reaction in my body now that I had been trying to avoid.

I have noticed I have stopped referring to friends as those words.

They come with pain and a reminder of hurt for me.

And after all, why do we as humans feel the need to rank things as best and worst anyway?

One person may reflect your love back more intensely but does that make it more special? Or is it all special?

There are those who have been those words for me that have ‘caused’ me pain and left me.

I know consciously this isn’t what has happened but sub-consciously my body hears those words and thinks ‘no, if I say those then they will leave me too’

Isn’t it interesting how experiences can alter our view of how a word or words can feel in our bodies?

For someone whose main trigger her whole life has been abandonment it’s a pretty big thing to be risking ‘feeling abandoned’ again in using those words.

At least that is how it feels.

Those words have lost the meaning they used to have because of how others have acted in the relationships I have applied those words to.

I see people calling every second person their best friend or bestie and it literally makes me want to roll my eyes because of my past experiences.

Like – sure they are your bestie now but who will be in 5 years time.

And it’s only become noticeable in my conscious mind recently.

I used to think I was triggered because of how my previous best friend had ghosted me which really hurt, but she reached out and apologised and owned her part in it so I thought that it would be over.

But it wasn’t.

I hear myself say I don’t want to be anyone’s best friend anymore.

And then that is followed with a feeling of sadness.

I am not quite sure what I will do to release this trigger.

It’s interesting to witness how this feels in my body though.

And how I’ve become attached to the reference of soul sister/family instead.

Maybe I don’t need to ‘get over’ my aversion to besties and best friend.

Because soul family is more resonant for me now.

Not everything needs to have a deep process to it. Sometimes a little acknowledgment is all it takes.

Or maybe I am avoiding it by using a different term? Who the hell knows?

What I do know is what feels good for me at this moment and having soul family definitely feels better to me than just a best friend.

At least that’s my current perception.

What is your perception of these labels we throw onto our relationships? Do they affect you or do you ignore them?

Or do you choose to let go of all labels all together?

Xo S

….Interestingly since writing this post and setting it to publish I have noticed the trigger has now vanished. I guess all I really did need to do was acknowledge it and give it some love ❤️💜✨💫