I don’t always have words and that’s ok

Sometimes I notice myself judging myself because I’m not a ‘have words for every moment’ type person when I’m with people.

I’m often a sit in silence and listen or feel person.

That’s probably why a vow of silence was so easy for me.

Yet I find myself thinking does this person think I’m rude or uncomfortable just because I’m not speaking to them?

I witness others speak the most beautiful words and have the most amazing conversations and wonder if there is something wrong with me because I don’t do that all the time.

When I write, however, I can articulate every single minuscule breadth of feeling. I often think it’s because my brain moves so fast that sometimes I need to take that time to slow down so I can say all that I need to say.

And I am reminded of friends who have complimented me on my presence. And how when I speak they listen because I am not one to speak into things unless it truly means something to me.

I love it when I’m with people and I don’t feel like the silence is awkward because none of us are talking. And even more I love those moments where it’s silence and we can look at each other and maintain eye contact and just smile and feel each other.

As if we are speaking to each other’s souls without saying a word.

Those moments are deeply treasured in my heart.

So often people think they need to fill the silence with words, need to have conversation, and need to make sure the other person is fulfilled in the interaction.

But sometimes all that is needed is simply presence.

I would love to live in a world where presence is deeply practiced and even initiated.

That would fill my heart and soul more than words ever could.

Xo S