I am still learning

I’ve done a lot of ‘work’ on my traumas and self healing.

And yet still I find myself choosing to be alone. To process alone.

Not reaching out to those I love and trust even though I know they would be there for me.

Still putting others needs before my own and not speaking up about how I feel. Not wanting to ‘take’ from others spaces.

And I don’t know why. Why do I feel my feelings are taking from others? Interesting.

That’s something I’ve always done. I mean I was pregnant and didn’t tell anyone besides those I was living with that I was until I was about 5 months in case I lost the baby (because my mum had lost so many and my sister had by this point too) so that they wouldn’t be upset about it 🤦🏽‍♀️

I tell myself I love being alone, and I truly do, but sometimes I also wonder how much of a safety mechanism it is?

It’s one of those days. And I just wanted to share in case you are someone who feels alone and like other people don’t have those days too.

Because we are human. And humans feel. We feel it all. None of what we feel is wrong. The depth of the sadness or darkness I have felt only shows me the depth of love I have access to, and you do too ❤️

It is coming up because it is coming out and that is all I remind myself. It is ready to be felt now.

I am with you

I feel you

Know that you are loved

Xo S