To the men in my life – I apologise and thank you-
I apologize that you haven’t been able to feel the real me.
I apologise that because of the violence I’ve experienced by other men I kept you at a distance.
I apologise that when you wanted to connect with me I flinched.
I apologise that if you tried to make eye contact I looked away.
I apologise that I lumped all of you into the same boat because of the actions of a few.
I apologise that because of my disconnectedness some of you felt afraid to be with me for fear of doing something wrong or triggering me.
I apologise that some of you that thought you were physically connecting with me were only getting the me who was afraid to say no because it was easier than being raped again.
I apologise that I’m not the only woman in the world who had these feelings and so many of you are left walking on eggshells for other men’s actions.
I apologise for always questioning your motives and never believing you wanted anything other than to use me.
But I also want to say thank you.
Thank you to the men who have embraced me with an open heart and helped heal my relationship with men.
Thank you for those of you who have allowed me my journey and stayed with me while I discovered who I could really be.
Thank you for helping me to realize where I was reacting instead of being.
Thank you for being a masculine light in my life when I was trying to run.
Thank you for being the mirror for me to see my own demons and exorcise them.
Thank you for showing me the truth of the Devine masculine man.
Thank you for reminding me the type of men I had known are in the minority.
Thank you. I appreciate you. I honor you.
And to all the men I’m yet to connect with in my life – I’m grateful that you won’t see the me that wanted to be disconnected from you.