Where to now?

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I’ve spoken about things I do that help me keep my mindset but what do you do when none of the things you normally turn to work?

I’ve had stomach issues for the past few days so I cannot eat the things I normally eat when I need a pick me up, and no that’s not chocolate and ice-cream, although I do tend to turn to those as well. But with my stomach hurting to eat anything I really cannot turn to even the smallest bit of decadence.

I tried to go to the gym, but that ended with me almost vomiting and overheating myself so that option is out too.

I’ve tried listening to music and podcasts like I normally do but my brain does not seem to be comprehending.

My last choice is to turn to writing. Which I have been giving a miss recently. I have felt like all I’ve written has been down days and I wanted to not write again until I had other options to share, but the days seem to be getting longer. I have started a few blog posts and they sit unfinished. Maybe I’ve tried opening more wounds at one time than I should have and it has left me raw.

I started this page to show that no matter what we can get through anything as long as we put the effort in. And boy do I feel as though my effort has been insane recently.

Maybe me getting ill was my body’s way of forcing me to stop and sit still? Maybe I have been doing too much recently and not given myself time to recuperate?

My husband likes to say I’ve cured my depression because I am doing so well. But its a daily struggle with me and no one really quite knows how hard that struggle can sometimes be. Sometimes perhaps I hide my struggle because I don’t want to disappoint those who think so highly of me.

The day before yesterday I felt as though I had contributed nothing to the household so I got up and put on a load of washing. It doesn’t seem like much but it was big for me.

Yesterday I attempted the gym. That was actually massive for me. I didn’t want to leave the house but I did. Even if it was only for an hour.

Today I have put a frittata in the oven and actually typed up the job sheets and completed the invoicing for mine and my husband’s company. I am also typing this blog post.

Typing these things has reminded me that progress is progress. One step forward is one step forward.

Putting words to paper has helped clarify my feelings.

I still don’t feel on top of the world, but I’m still here and I’m still doing, that is such a better word to use than trying, don’t you think?

That is all that matters.

Xo S

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