The truth about seeking help

There was a point where my psychologist said I didn’t need to go once a week anymore so let’s do 2 weeks, then it was once a month, then every 2 months until we got to a point where she said I don’t need to see you anymore but if you have something happen then please book in.

And I never went back.

This woman was the first woman to ever truly see me. She was the first person I ever told my entire story to – that was an important part in my journey. I told her stuff I haven’t told anybody else.

The best part about her was she wasn’t just talk therapy. She didn’t keep asking me to rehash my story over and over.

I think back and laugh because I remember every session walking in and wondering what I would talk about.

She always told me the reason I was moving on was because I was never a victim to my circumstances.

She truly wanted me to never need to see her again.

That is what is missing from many of the self development coaches.

They will tell you you aren’t broken , while telling you if you don’t have something to heal you are bypassing. They will tell you they are healing, while at the same time regurgitating the same story over and over to sell you into their program. They will tell you to be unattached to outcomes, while at the same time telling you you won’t get results with anyone else. They will tell you they can help you heal, while at the same time telling you that you can never be fully healed because there is always something to process.

Personally, I don’t need to go looking for things to heal anymore. And you don’t either.

That doesn’t mean I am fixed and healed and life will be peachy from now on. It means I am at a space where if something arises I sort it out then in whatever way I need to. I am not in a constant grief process because I feel like if I’m not feeling something then I’m feeling nothing.

If you have a specific situation that desires specific help then get the help you need.

Get a tune up every now and then with a healer. Just as you do a massage or a blood test.

But if you have been on this journey for as long as I have – (I turned 40 this year and have been specifically seeking help since I was 17), and you haven’t reached a point where you can self support, I invite you to ask your self what have you not been learning? Where have you not been listening?

‘Remembering it took me until I was in my 30s to fully tell my story, so that held me back. If you get your entire story out when you begin then your journey can go a lot faster than mine did.’

If you have been spending thousands on retreats and programs and still don’t feel like you are enough I would ask what exactly you are searching for?

If I can go on your social media page and see you posting the same things you were posting about a year ago I would invite you to look in the mirror and ask yourself what am I gaining by retelling the same things over and over?

Many coaches only want to sell you their programs. And they will be your friend as long as you are buying into their products.

It’s their job.

Same with my psychologist. It was her job to make me see myself.

She invited me to my first day retreat because she told me she wanted me to see what was possible for my life if I surrounded myself with inspiring women.

She introduced each one of us that day instead of us introducing ourselves and it was the first time I cried at the way someone saw me.

I still have the jar I received that day with the notes of what the women saw in me in my wardrobe.

She was a massive part of my life.

But I knew she wasn’t my friend. She was a guide who opened doors for me that I didn’t even know were there.

Telling your story opens doors for your healing.

But if you have been telling your story for a long time and it’s still evoking in you an emotional response I would ask yourself what piece have you left out?

Because it was the pieces I left out, that when I finally shared, made me able to heal each piece of my story.

Ask yourself often what am I receiving in sharing my story?

Is it healing? Or is it a reliving of the nightmare that isn’t actually helping?

Your self awareness is the key to your life. When you can embody this – your story, your experience, your life, will radically shift because you can see what you are doing and why and then be able to choose differently.

And this is what happens when you are truly on the healing journey.

And hey, if you don’t want to do that, and you want to continue to pay people to tell you your story is hard, and you are amazing for surviving, and they can help you, and they love you, then you can choose to do that too.

It’s your journey. It always has been.

You are what matters.

Your tests will become your testimony.

Xo S