Breaking but not broken

I am breaking

I desire the breaking

I’m not judging the breaking

Because breaking does not mean broken.

I’m not saying I’m ok if I’m not

I’m not putting myself in spaces where it’s not ok to say I’m not ok as my truth.

I am not playing the victim either.

I feel the weight of change

I’m experiencing the depths of transformation

I’m shedding tears that I can’t control

I’m saying goodbye to the unworthiness grasping at my soul.

I’m cocooning myself in darkness

It is, after all, the birthplace of creation

Of life

Of mystery

Of everything.

So no, I don’t want what you are offering.

The only thing I desire, is me.

All of me.

However that looks.

It is only through the many deaths of the soul, the ego, the darkness, the attempted extinguishing of my flame,

Can I truly be who I desire to be.

My flame will always engorge itself on the oxygen again.

And I let go of the expectations of meeting other peoples expectations of how that is supposed to look.

My time, is my time.

My life, is my life.

My judgments, are my judgements.

My moments, are my moments.

Only I, can do for me.

What I need to do for me.

And how that looks – you may judge as wrong.

But it’s not wrong for me.

And I, am what matters, right now.

These are the final days of my letting go of the past phase.

And it’s deep. Powerful. Tender.

And I trust.

Wisdom. Wonder. WORTHY.

Is where I will continue this journey this year.

To do that – I must shed the weights of expectation. Of bonds undesired. Of tainted moments. Of everything that does not serve my highest good.

And I shall. I am.

Xo S