My Own Eulogy

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Before we die,

I will have roamed where the wild things are,

I will have loved in all the spaces I was afraid to love,

I will have lived by my own rules and broken those rules over and over again,

I will have healed and broken and healed and broken again realising I was never actually broken to begin with,

I will have been held intensely and passionately while having every inch of my skin caressed,

I will have used the power of my pleasure in more ways than imaginable to manifest the most magical desires of my heart,

I will have given and shared and opened my heart time and time again no matter how many times it went unseen or broken,

I will have used my voice in its full power speaking truths previously untold,

I will have stared off into the distance imagining more wonder and magic than I ever thought possible when I was a child, so many times that the magic becomes real,

I will have laughed so hard every inch of my body ached unashamedly, purely because it felt so good,

I will have spoken truth and beauty into those I love at every opportunity and delighted as I witnessed the words touch their heart and soul,

I will have taken the concept of adventure and embroidered it into my soul so deeply that those around me feel the same sense of adventure by being in my presence,

I will have read so many books that my brain can’t possibly recall any of the information, some of them will change my life and some of them will help create more of a life and some of them will just give me a place to soften and be for a while,

I will have felt the kiss of the sun on the entire canvas of my body and revelled in the warmth,

I will have swam in the salty roars of the ocean waves and smiled and laughed as they delivered me to the sand time and time again,

Ah that sweet feeling of deliverance,

I will have realized the depths of what is available when I open to surrender and then surrendered more,

I will have waved my white flag not in surrender but in utter knowing of what my life means to me and the knowing of how powerful I am and that no one could take that away unless I chose it,

I will have felt unspoken depths of grief and sadness and wailed in the agony of those oceans of emotion,

I will have experienced great fears and pushed through immense barriers to be the woman lying in her death bed ready for her next adventure…

That is, a woman who pushed the limits and wasn’t afraid to reach for the sky,

A woman who trusted that everything that was meant for her, was hers,

A woman who came back from the brink of death time and again to unleash more and more of her prowess and remind others that there is always more, if we want it,

A woman whose aura grew and expanded with every interaction with every cell on this planet and beyond, as she grew her belief in who she came here to be,

That is,

A woman rock solid in her boundaries able to play in the lines of the sand without needing to force, restrict or forget her desires,

A woman who learned that her body is a born miracle and miracle maker and decided to honor it as such,

A woman who realized life can be as easy or as hard as she desires, and that she doesn’t desire it to feel like an uphill battle, and in that she learnt how much of a powerful transmuter she was,

A woman who threw what she wanted into the wind knowing it would arrive because she trusted in her infinite power,

A woman ready to rip apart and burn down anything that wasn’t a true piece of her heart and soul,

A woman who ate the cake and the icecream if she wanted it, not thinking about the future because at least it meant she was living in that moment and she was enjoying it,

A woman who threw the lone wolf mentality back and began to thrive within her human body and it’s connections,

A woman who realized people judge no matter what she does, so if she wants to be naked in mind, body and soul then be naked,

A woman who didn’t try to make her life make sense but instead lived it…

Living it for all it is worth, knowing if she didn’t then that would be the biggest waste of all.

And wasting life had already been a part of the journey.

Drinking, holding onto pain and anger and blame, popping pills, testing to see how long She could stay awake. Partying ber life away and going to work afterwards and in between and thinking that equaled happiness,

Loving her children and yet not loving herself enough to take care of her to truly love them with all of who She is,

Giving life to her children yet not realising that She wasn’t giving herself life at the same time,

That wasn’t living.

But boy did She love her children with all of who She was, and each time She grew, her love for them transformed her in more ways than She ever realized it did.

That Woman, me,

I will not be a person who leaves this earth having hidden from and buried my emotions in a bottle or behind some pills and leaving things left unsaid because I wanted people to like me.

I wanted me to like me. And boy did I do more than that. I grew to love me.

Before we die, this is my promise, to myself, to this planet, and to those all around me

Before I die, I will have lived. In all ways I have dreamt possible.

I will have lived.

Xo S

Yes this I have written and yes I would like this read the day my life is celebrated after I have left this earthly plain.

Have you ever done this exercise? It wasn’t planned as an exercise for myself but I realized what it was once I read it out to my friend and thought how powerful it felt to write.

I would love to hear from you if you have done this and how it felt for you ❤️

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