Why Is Being in a Loving, Long-Lasting Relationship Considered “Not Living” These Days?

It’s something that’s been weighing on my heart lately, especially because my own children have found love young, and it’s beautiful. But I keep hearing, “They’re too young to settle down,” or “They should be out there living their lives!” And it leaves me wondering—why do so many people think that being in a committed, loving relationship means you’re not really living?

Are people saying my children should be jumping from relationship to relationship, having their hearts broken again and again, because that’s what life is supposed to look like at their age? Are they supposed to be wandering the world solo, leaving love behind, just because they’re young?

The Myth of “Living” vs. “Settling Down”

I hear it all the time: “They should be travelling the world, not settling down.” And I have to ask—why can’t they do both? Why do we assume that life can only be fully experienced if you’re alone? Why is it so hard to understand that some people find their joy in love, in building a life together?

I had my children young. I was a parent through my 20s and 30s, and you know what? I still traveled. I still lived. So why do people automatically assume that settling down young means missing out?

My Children Found Love Young—And I’m Celebrating It.

What’s really inspired me to write this is watching my children experience love at a young age. It’s been a privilege to witness, to see how happy they are, how devoted they are to each other. And yet, so many people seem to think they should wait, that they’re missing something by settling down now. But what if they’re not?

I have friends who spent their 20s and 30s traveling the world before they found love and started families. And they’re happy. But my children? They’ve found their happiness right now, and I refuse to let anyone tell them that it’s somehow not enough.

What Are They Really Missing?

I used to think young love wasn’t real, that it couldn’t last. I thought you had to grow on your own before you could grow with someone else. But I know now that’s not true. My children are living proof of that. They are growing, evolving, and building something meaningful together. And that’s living.

So when people say, “They’ll miss out,” I want to ask—what exactly are they missing out on? Who decides what they should or shouldn’t experience? If they’ve found love, if they’ve found something that makes their hearts full, isn’t that living?

Stop Projecting Your Life Onto Others

Here’s what I think is really going on:

Too many people are projecting their own regrets, their own what-ifs, onto others. Maybe they wished they had waited. Maybe they think they should have lived life differently. But that’s their story, not my children’s. Not anyone else’s.

Some of my friends have no desire to travel or live wild, adventurous lives. They’re perfectly content building their homes and staying close to the people they love. And guess what? They’re happy. And my children, who have found love and chosen a path that others might think is “too soon,” are also happy.

We need to stop acting like there’s only one way to live a full, rich life.

Celebrate Love in All Its Forms

I celebrate love, no matter when or how it happens. Whether my children found it as teens or whether someone else finds it at 40, it doesn’t matter. Love is love. Happiness is happiness. And there’s no timeline or formula for either of those things.

What I refuse to do is tell my children—or anyone else—that they aren’t really living just because they’ve found love young. I won’t tell them they’re missing out on something, because they’re not. They’ve found their version of happy, and that’s worth celebrating.

You Can Find Yourself in a Relationship

One of the biggest myths out there is that you have to be on your own to “find yourself.” But that’s not true. You can find yourself in a relationship. You can grow, discover, and evolve while being deeply in love.

I’ve been in a relationship long enough to know this. I’ve grown, I’ve found who I am, and my partner has supported me every step of the way. If my relationship ended tomorrow, I wouldn’t be lost, because we’ve always given each other the space to grow. That’s what love is supposed to be.

Let People Live Their Own Story

At the end of the day, everyone deserves to write their own love story, their own life story. My children have found their story, and I couldn’t be happier for them. The same way I wouldn’t tell someone who hasn’t found love yet that they’re missing out, I won’t tell my children they need to wait to live their lives.

Because what matters is that we’re all living the lives we choose, on our terms.

And even if it does fail in the future that doesn’t mean that they should have waited.

So let’s stop projecting.

Let’s stop telling people how to live or who to love.

Let’s celebrate every version of happiness, whether it’s young love, late love, or no love at all.

Because the point of life? It’s happiness. And my children have already found theirs.

Xo S