1: Watch what other people do and copy that. No need for actual training by skilled masters.
2: On that matter don’t train for energy work, just wave your hands around and say you are doing energy work. We are all about manifesting in the spiritual world. Who cares about the masters passing down their lineages of experience. Even better if you talk crap about people doing energy work but are then seen ‘waving your hands around’.
3: Even deeper than that just take what others have worked hard for and sell it as your own. Who wants to do hard yards anyway?
4: If you add in words like universe/unconditional Love/darkness/breathwork/embodiment, oh and my favourite – abundance, to your posts you will definitely appear spiritual.
5: Say goodbye to being fucked. You can only have kundalini awakenings and melt into each other’s souls now that you are spiritual. No more finger banging. Sorry!
And also – you now get to hug rape people. No consent needed. Just grab them and hold on for as long as you want no matter how much they squirm.
6: Don’t forget you have to wear crystals and feathers and don face makeup, and also don’t forget a septum piercing. You definitely can’t make the cut if you don’t do this.
7: You had better start saying everything you feel is a projection. No need for anyone to take responsibility for their actions anymore if you are now to be spiritual.
8: Stop eating meat. Never enjoy another cocktail. Definitely turn off every music station unless the music has flutes and drums and chanting. Then it’s ok. No more twerking for you. Sorry!
9: On that note if you aren’t chanting or speaking light language are you even spiritual?
10: And my favourite – you better sit with some kind of plant medicine every other weekend otherwise how can you call yourself connected to Earth and other dimensions?
Obviously this is a pisstake – which is normally a truth covered with jokes. So is it? 🤣
Is there anything you would add to this list?