Heart asking to be witnessed
Fear of falling
Or fear of flying?
Listening but not wanting to
Not wanting to but needing to
Stay grounded she reminds herself
Stay open she reminds herself
But the cracks still appear.
“You haven’t failed” she quietly whispers to her tender heart.
“You are succeeding in more ways than you realise”, she begs her heart to believe.
It’s safe to see, it’s safe to see, it is safe to see.
Her vision is expanding, her heart starts contracting.
Past aggressions visiting to see if they can tickle her back to the beginning.
She falters, she wavers,
She asks the questions
Who am I?
What am I?
What is my purpose?
Does it really even matter if I am here?
That last question hurts.
She looks for the beauty.
She looks for the love.
She looks for the safety.
And she finds it all.
Yet it is not where she thought it would be.
It’s not in the arms of another.
It’s not in the gaze of a stranger walking past her on the street.
It’s not in the feeling she receives when filled with gratitude.
Although that IS all love.
She finds it in the curve of her hips
The wetness of her lips
The tone of her voice as she purrs and growls finding her pleasure
It is in the beating of her heart each time she takes notice of it
She finds it in the gaze of her eyes as she stares intently into them, peeling back layer after layer of story until she comes to the conclusion that she needs none of it.
But she wants it.
She weeps for the years she looked for it in another
She weeps for the years she gave of herself never believing she would ever have the devotion she truly desires
She weeps for the heart breaks bought upon herself by opening her ears to the words of those who didn’t truly know her
She weeps and her tender heart breaks
Just a little
She knows now that those little cracks can be filled with gold
Fortified if she chooses
Her heart still open and willing and receiving the love that she now knows is possible
Because she gave of it to herself so deeply and reverently.
Her tender heart she sees and witnesses
With loving caresses she lets her heart know that it’s safe to see, it’s safe to question and it’s safe to need and want love.
It is safe to be.