It’s been 21 days since I spoke a conscious word.
I say conscious because there were a few times words slipped out without me even realizing. A few of those times were speaking to my cat and another few were swear words 😂 Heck even at the retreat I went to last year we were given time to speak. And I’m told Vipassana you get half an hour a day to ask questions too.
It’s definitely harder to stay silent when everyone around you isn’t silent as well. So if you have done Vipassana definitely give this a go! Haha!
Unconsciously speaking was one of the first of many lessons I received during my silence.
But first I want to thank my amazing family and friends who were so supportive and encouraging. I fucking love you all!!!
I truly realized how much people rely on voice to communicate. It was fun in the moments where someone would ask me something without looking at me and I would stand there waiting patiently for them to look so I could answer with a nod of my head.
21 days of normal life minus my voice.
Attending and supporting events, study calls, nail refills, breakfast dates and family lunches, even getting a colonic. All of it.
Minus social media too.
Which has been wonderful as well. No mindless words or scrolling.
And also not feeling guilt or shame at those moments where I did slip and speak. I wasn’t doing this to be perfect I was doing it to learn about myself.
And learn I did.
Not thinking ‘well I spoke so I’m a failure and should just quit now’ was also a huge win.
My 12 year old was the smartest human who from Day 1 asked me yes/no questions so I could always answer him. Other people would ask me for stuff that I would look at them and wait to see if they realized I couldn’t actually respond.
Early on I noticed how much people complain. And in turn how much I complain. Doing it so much in their language they don’t even realize they are doing it. Which gave me the gift of realising I have been doing the same. Blurck!
Slowly the voice in my head became quieter.
My ego and I became good friends.
Those complaints slowly dissolved.
I mean it really doesn’t matter that my hubby didn’t tell people I’m not talking and then leaves me with them while he goes off so I’m left to stares of wondering why I’m not talking to them or just nodding responses 🤷🏽♀️😂
I went into this not knowing how long I would be silent for. That made me nervous.
On my 15th day the number 21 finally came to me. I had been wondering when a number would drop in. I was then gifted with 2 of the most beautiful black cockatoos during my morning walk. I’ve been walking the same track for 5 years and have never witnessed them before. Spirit is with me and creativity is in full force. Mmm yes there is that confirmation again.
My body received 2 nose bleeds, blood blisters in my mouth, a dense heavy tired feeling everywhere, a myriad of emotional outbursts and some other stuff I won’t mention. If I didn’t believe disease is a sign of unprocessed traumas and/or what isn’t expressed I would 100% believe it now.
Ultimately I learnt how much is filled with meaningless words when gazing into someone’s eyes with love can speak so much.
Originally words were used to reflect original truths but language has become a convenience and can now be lost in translation.
I now have a deeper understanding and love for symbols and why they have been used as a means of communication.
During my beautiful sisters Jax and Emma’s event with 60 women I got to process something so deep and profound. And bare witness to such utter beauty in the silence.
And I got to hold space and channel my inner Hestia at another beautiful sisters, Krissy , event too.
All in silence.
Everything we need is within. Anything that is outside of that can be taken away.
All the stories are just that – stories. You can do whatever you desire to do if you want to.
Nature is truly my bible. Within her I always bare witness to God and Goddess.
She speaks and if you are willing to listen you will receive the most profound messages.
When you can’t use your voice you truly see how prosperous you are in every moment and interaction you have and every moment you witness. And how much time is wasted on not realising this.
You really don’t need to correct people all the time if they are telling something and it isn’t 100% correct.
You can actually be involved in conversation and not add anything to it with your voice at every interval. And when you don’t speak in those moments something beautiful can happen with the person you are in communication with.
You actually have more knowledge than you realise.
These are things I thought I knew before my silence but now the wisdom is truly within my flesh and bones.
I thought I was embodied before. But now I know that was only the beginning.
I have been navigating surrender this year and this was the last piece. And boy what a piece to receive ❤️
The deep within is where I love to traverse. I have found so much magic when going within and this journey has been no different.
I love you
You are abundant in more ways than you will ever realise
You matter in ways you could never even fathom.
Out of my silence I have been recreated anew
❤️ again ❤️
Now I’m off to sing at the top of my lungs. Oh how I have missed that! 🥰 oh and laughing out loud instead of doing the weird silent laughs I’ve been doing 😂