Feminine and Masculine characters – are you playing?

This may be an Unpopular opinion but Femininity cannot be taught.

At least not in the way I see most people thinking it can.

It’s not wearing flowing dresses.

It’s not wearing long flowy hair.

It’s not wearing makeup.

It’s not a certain way of speaking.

It’s not a certain way of moving your body.

It’s not bigger boobs or lips or perfect skin and eyelashes.

It’s not bowing down to all the men.

It’s not Yes sir, No sir, what can I do for you sir with no thoughts to your own actual wants, needs and desires.

Anyone teaching this stuff is teaching you how to play a character.

And playing a character won’t last forever.

If you are gaining attention through playing a character that doesn’t feel natural to you what will happen when playing that character gets tiring? Or feels out of sync in the moment?

Femininity doesn’t need performance.

Femininity isn’t a performance.

It doesn’t need to follow a checklist to say yep I’m more woman because of this.

You can’t do a how to be feminine course and say woo I’ve graduated I’m feminine now.

And also on that performance note – so many men are only performing what they think is masculine too.

In the gyms trying to get a hard muscular body with no clue what emotional regulation is and how to actually be there for a woman who needs them.

Performing the provider role but thinking it’s only about money while inside secretly resenting the life they are living.

Paying for a meal does not make a man a protector or provider.

Being able to make the people around you as well as your partner feel safe is being a protector.

Being the one that people come to in times of need for help is being a protector and provider.

Helping those that can’t help themselves is part of being a protector.

Being able to be a Warrior when you need to be and a Gardener in other times is being a protector and a provider.

None of this other performative stuff that’s online.

The performance will always end up outed.

Not only that but the performance will end up draining you too.

And when you start faltering that’s when you will know you were playing the character, not embodying who you truly are as a woman or a man.

And when you slide back into your old habits don’t blame anyone other than the people who told you that you needed to be taught how to play a character.

Xo S