The day I learnt this lesson was the day my life changed. Well to be honest, this wasn’t learnt in one day but the day it clicked was a turning point, of which I’ve had many, we all do. But it is up to us whether we use these turning points to learn or ignore and contribute on the path that we are heading.
When someone is rude at the local shop do you think to yourself “how rude have some manners”? Or if someone cuts you off in traffic do you think to yourself “what an asshole”? Because I know I used to and still sometimes do if I’m being completely honest.
Except now I also say to myself “who knows what is happening in their day”. I probably say this after a few moments of being angry and judgmental, naturally, I am human after all 😂
The thoughts that now cross my mind are that they may have just been diagnosed with cancer and aren’t able to hold a conversation right now (been there) or they may have just heard their child has had an accident and are rushing to see them (been there too) and while none of these experiences give us permission to be assholes we can certainly have some empathy for people where this may have been the reason they have behaved with no discretion. Of course they could actually just be assholes but as the title of this post suggests, we shouldn’t take that personally anyway.
If someone says something bad about me I used to take great offence. I mean how could someone say such things about me? I still initially may feel hurt, again that’s only natural seeing as I’m not a robot. But once I learnt the term ‘mirroring’ my thought flow changed. That’s where people project their own insecurities onto you to make themselves feel better.
Have you ever heard that if something irritates you about someone it often points to something you need to work on yourself?
When I find myself complaining about someone or making a cruel comment I now say the word mirror to myself and it more often than not pulls me up and makes me look at myself and what I can improve. I do the same if I hear some gossip that may have been said about myself or people surrounding me. Saying the word mirror has this way of resetting my brain to function without the hurt of the words that may have been thrown in my direction.
So what are my top 5 tips to not take things personally?
- Be too busy to care. Live in your own world and when someone pulls one of these stunts just carry on as if it didn’t happen. It’s been proven that every time you fight against the urge to get angry over something that part of your brain strengthens and you find it easier to stay calm.
- Change your focus. This is where my thinking something may have happened in the other persons life and that’s the reason for their behaviour comes in.
- Don’t give your power away. When you react or get angry about a situation you are passing along the control of your own emotions. The more you get angry the more control you are handing over. And if you have been a clinically depressed like I have been that’s the last thing we need to be doing.
- Accept that you don’t have control over other people. This is a big winner for anything that happens in life for me. The more I remind myself I can only control myself and my emotions the less I get angered over others actions.
- Do something you enjoy. This may seem random but the more you do things for yourself and enjoy your life the less you have time to take things personally.
Nothing that happens in anyone elses life has anything to do with you. If someone is harsh to you it’s not about you. I hope these tips help you, let me know in the comments section if you wish ☺️