I Left My First Marriage and Became the Woman I Was Meant to Be

I know Rory and I talk  about how much we have grown and loved together. 

And I also know that if I had stayed in my previous marriage I would be a shell of the woman that I am now. 

I remember when I told my dad’s girlfriend at the time that I finally left my husband and her response was “oh finally Shannii I knew you were destined for more the minute you started that job, you had stars in your eyes.” And I said I wish you had told me 🤣

You see I also understand that not every relationship is forever. 

I understand that not everyone has a connection the way Rory and I did and do.

I wanted it to work with my ex because he was the kids dad and I didn’t know what it was like to have 2 parents together and I wanted that for them.

And they got it. Just not with their dad and myself. 

Our youngest son came to us after my post about almost getting divorced saying why didn’t I know about that. And we said because you didn’t need to.

Which was the total opposite of my experience with my ex who while we were sleeping separately was telling the kids your mum doesn’t love me so she is going to make me leave. He put it all on me. Which I guess the choice was mine but it wasnt all on me. 

My daughter loudly announced that he was moving out because of that at a dinner with a bunch of friends all sitting around the table. No one even knew we had been having problems. (Interestingly the same weekend I had first met Rory but we didn’t see each other again for months after that – is that what we call fate? 🤔)

I have always subscribed to not telling the kids anything they don’t need to know. I never bad mouthed their dad to them because he’s their dad and they deserve to love him and I knew as they got older they would figure it all out on their own. It wasn’t until he told them a story about me that Rory finally said to me Babe it’s time to tell them the truth. So I did.

And I know what Rory and I have is worth fighting for. 

With my ex I was walking the kids in the double pram 3km to their kindy, jumping on the train with the pram because I couldn’t leave it there, going to work and then picking them up at 5.30 in the afternoon and walking home, all so he could stay home on the PlayStation and get stoned and keep the car. 

That’s not a husband. Not to me. Maybe that works for others but it didn’t for me. I am not inspired or excited to be the major breadwinner boss babe. Retiring my husband makes me gag. Having a husband sit at home doing nothing does not turn me on. 

I don’t thrive in a workspace. I thrive in the home. With my kids. And now grandkids. Even as they all get older – home is still my happy place. Even with our businesses over the years it has always stayed the same. 

And I have a husband who bends over backwards because he adores my being in my happy place. He doesn’t want to see me and my soul slowly fade away in a space I’m not happy. 

Because he has seen what happens to me when my soul withers away.

His needs are fulfilled as much as mine are. And if anyone is going to be telling me what to do it’s him. Not some random in an office. Blurck. 

And that’s why we aren’t divorced. We assess regularly what we need to do to stay as happy as we are. And make changes when necessary. 

So yes we believe in trying everything. And I also know that I wouldn’t be with Rory if I had believed in that with my ex and wouldn’t be the woman I am today. 

The grass isn’t always greener, but sometimes it’s meant to be. 

People say I’m lucky because I met Rory or he’s lucky because he met me. But our relationship isn’t luck.

It’s communication. It’s respect. It’s gratitude. It’s devotion. It’s trust. It’s hope. It’s self awareness. Its courage. It’s give and take. It’s all the things people don’t want to do so give up but we didn’t. It’s we both know what we have and adore it and desire to not let it go because of our egos. It’s the hard conversations. It’s being told what you don’t want to hear and taking it on board. It’s being able to find who you are on your own without the need to be single.

It’s choosing each other. Every day.

It’s renewing your vows because you both know you aren’t the same people who made those original vows and the vows have changed as much as you have.

It’s knowing it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. 

Xo S