The Time For Me is Now

This post coming to you from a little jungle town in Peru.

This trip has had me in all the feels and I have been trying to figure out why?

Its not the first time I’ve gone away solo so that’s not it.

Its not even the first time I’ve been to this country so that’s not it.

Then I started thinking about how normally when I go away for this period of time it has some kind of volunteer aspect to it. Normally I’m volunteering in environmental or animal conservation. With a couple of days for myself after of fun.

And the longest retreat I’ve done has been 2 weeks.

But this trip is purely for me and my health. Purely selfish if you will. There are no give back type of moments.

And while I love receiving love I have come to realise that I often put a time limit on it or will cut it off and that could be before the person is ready to stop giving.

So the idea of a whole month purely for me and my healing is actually quite terrifying for me.

Yet I tell everyone they should do this sort of thing all the time 🤣

Yet me doing it for myself has a time limit apparently.

My month away last year included 8 days of healing then a whole lot of fun adventures. That was a different sort of trip. There is no hiding or forgetting or pushing to the side any matters I need to confront during this month. It’s not a fun let’s see landmarks and eat lots of food and drink yummy drinks type of trip.

This feels like my constellation finally fully integrating. No bestie to hold my hand. No hubby to say I got you (I mean they do just not here with me in the physical haha) No loved ones to say I’m worthy of receiving this amount of love that I freely give to others yet not to myself.

Next levels of self love for myself are unlocking I guess 🤪❤️

Xo S