How often do you take responsibility for your actions and how they affect others or how you show up?
It’s a buzz phrase these days for people to say well I say what I want and how you choose to take that is on you and it’s used as a way of being an ass without taking responsibility a lot (not always)
While yes this can be true it seems as though we have forgotten that we still get to choose to enliven someone’s life or decay it.
I stood in a circle last week and finally admitted to my wounded feminine and the punishment she had been willingly throwing onto my husband. Willingly and yet subconsciously.
I stood there and through the tears said I release the guilt I’ve been carrying about wanting to hurt you the way you hurt me.
That wasn’t love. Wounded love maybe but definitely not unconditional love.
This wounding had caused me to put up a wall between us and test him constantly.
Deep down I loved him but yes I was wounded and when people are wounded they tend to follow that path of wounding and cause pain to others in it.
In that moment all my walls came down. 14 years together and been through it all yet this was the biggest barricade to overcome.
All the years of trauma, not all from him, released.
He apologized. I apologized. We both took responsibility for where we had been at.
Knowing there is a depth to our love that we weren’t actualizing and wondering why all this time.
Acknowledgment is all it took.
That and a bit of yoni mapping and honouring 😝
Responsibility is fucking sexy. If I could give you one piece of advice to take into the world that would be it.
Develop a keen eye to be able to see all sides of the story and not have the need to defend your side to the death.
Be open to other points of view. It doesn’t mean you need to take it on, being open expands your mind and gives you a clearer vision of humans and how we all work differently.
Do the work. Do the hard work. No you don’t need to be attending courses every weekend but if you don’t do some kind of deep development work on yourself throughout the year I would be asking yourself what are you afraid of finding out?
Not from a place of I am broken and need fixing but from a place of I want to be able to listen and understand from the best of my ability.
Being able to see where I go into shadow, where I get triggered, where I react, has been one of my greatest teachers.
Learning about trauma has shown me how easy it is to place someone in a trauma response and I have no desire to do that to another human ever.
It’s not education and opening people’s eyes if they are constricted and in fight/flight or freeze when reading or hearing you. Which ultimately means they won’t be taking in that information wholly.
And learning body language and watching videos and noticing small ticks that show the fight/flight/freeze response makes me wonder how much work you/they have done as well?
Doing a couple of plant medicine ceremonies a year does not constitute the deep work. Yes it’s a tool but sometimes it’s conscious work that is needed the most.
Likewise if you are doing all the conscious work you may benefit from a plant medicine ceremony or two to reach the depths of your subconscious.
These are just two examples of the multitudes of resources available to every human on this planet who desires more for their life.
It’s about accessing more than one piece of education or modality and being able to access and combine them all into a life ceremony that benefits you the greatest.
So to my husband – thank you for receiving me in my woundedness and always thriving to be the safe space for me to let it go eventually.
It’s been one hell of a ride but we have got there finally. Not that we ever knew there was a there to get to. But it feels good.
And whatever arises in the future, because we know the growth and next levels never stop, I know we got each other.
Through it all we have never stopped truly loving each other.